Of Inches and Centimeters
by Nadyell
Summary: Just how tall is the Full Metal Alchemist? A rainy day stuck in Central Headquarters, a tape measure and a simple, crazy question of asking one’s height turns out to be more than those in the military bargained for.


**Summary:** Just how tall is the Full Metal Alchemist? A rainy day stuck in Central Headquarters, a tape measure and a simple, crazy question of asking one's height turns out to be more than those in the military bargained for.

**Pairings:** None

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Full Metal Alchemist, at all. All the characters belong to Hiromu Arakawa-sensei. The only thing in this story that is mine is the plot itself.

**Of Inches and Centimeters**

It was pouring heavily outside, causing everyone to be stuck in the office of Colonel Roy Mustang. The Flame Alchemist was brooding more than usual due to his apparent… uselessness in the rain. The Elric Brothers were there too, despite the fact that they were usually out on some trip, following a new lead about the Philosopher's Stone. Ed was busy clawing at Al's armor at sheer boredom. He hated being unable to do anything. The usual people were there as well.

First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye was busy polishing her collection of guns. Lieutenant Colonel Maes Hughes was there, showing off a picture of his daughter, Elysia, to Second Lieutenant John Havoc who had the usual stick of tobacco in his mouth. Major Alex Louis Armstrong was shirtless, with the ever present pink sparkles showing about as he flexed his muscles in front of a large, full length mirror, admiring himself and his bulk. Suddenly, as if someone punched him right in the face, an idea hit the Major.

"Ed-kun?" asked the Major, donning his complete military outfit, much to the amazement of everyone around.

"Yeah?" asked Ed warily, his golden eyes dulled because of his extreme and utter boredom.

"How… uhh… tall are you, exactly?" asked the Major, his voice suddenly growing small. All eyes focused on Ed as the question came into their heads. They had all stood up and walked close to the young boy, their questioning gazes all directed at him. Al had slipped away, trying to avoid the confusion.

When one enlisted in the military, be it as a regular soldier or a State Alchemist, they had to fill up a certain form, as if they were applying for a job. Of course basics like one's name, age, address so on and so forth were there, as well as basics such as height and weight. If Roy remembered correctly, the Full Metal Alchemist had neatly written down his weight in kilograms but what had followed after the word 'height' was a small, indistinct and illegible scribble then the letters C and M.

"Full Metal, you do know you haven't filled up your enlistment form properly," spoke Roy, a questioning gaze directed at the blonde boy.

"Yes I did! My writing was merely illegible! And the instructions did say no erasures so I couldn't cross it out and write it correctly," said Ed, his voice smug as if he had beaten the Colonel at his own game.

"But you could have asked for another form, Ed-kun," spoke Maes knowingly. He remembered the day that Roy had made a mistake in his form and asked for a new one. Then again, the Colonel had charms and the one in charge of the forms was a female, military personnel, making it much easier for him.

"Or, you could have used correction tape! Mighty handy stuff," suggested Havoc.

"Whatever! What's done is done!" said Ed irritably as he crossed his arms and looked away. The Major hadn't said anything, as he was looking around for something. "Major Armstrong, what are you looking for?" asked Ed, hoping his fears were wrong.

"Tape," he replied intelligently. Ed sighed in relief. At least it wasn't that thing. "Measuring tape," finished the Major as he waved a flimsy roll. Golden eyes widened as he stood up, trying to back away. Much to his annoyance, he had been pinned down.

"Ed-kun! Don't be afraid of the measuring tape! We are merely trying to find out your true and accurate height so that you may do your form justice by filling it in completely!" said the Major, shirtless once more.

"Ed-kun, it's really just for the military's knowledge," said Riza as she tightened her grip on Ed's automail arm. Ed's eyes widened in fear as the Major began to unfurl the tape.

"It really is, Ed-kun! It's not like we're going to use it to laugh at you or blackmail you or anything," said Maes as he pinned him down on his automail leg. Ed rolled his eyes as he started to fight them back. The Major had already positioned the end of the tape to the very bottom of the wall.

"We really aren't. Trust us on this, Full Metal," said Roy calmly as he held down Ed's human arm. Even so, everyone else knew the Colonel had other plans in mind with the knowledge of Edward Elric's true height. The Major had taped down the measuring tape securely at the twenty four inches mark.

"I heard the girls really like… cute kids," said Havoc, sweat dropping at the last comment, as he held. Ed was glaring daggers at the Second Lieutenant as he continued to fight them off. The Major had taped down at the thirty-six inches mark.

"Nii-san, let them find out your true height! It's for the military, after all," implored Al, though deep inside he was just as curious as to what his older brother's true height really was. The Major had finally taped down at the forty-eight inches mark.

"Gah!" shouted Ed as he finally managed to clap his hands and blasted a hole in the wall. The five military men backed away as the sudden blast of cold water and wind gushed through the hole in the wall.

"THIS IS COMING OUT OF YOUR SALARY, FULL METAL!" shouted Roy indignantly, "AND I WILL PERSONALLY MAKE SURE YOU HELP IN REPAIRS! THIS IS MY OFFICE!"

"Come and fight me out here in the rain, Colonel!" shouted Ed in return, an impish grin on his face. The Colonel's face fell as he grumbled, walking away. He would lose any battle in the rain. He used flame alchemy, after all.

"Al, go get your brother and bring him here," mumbled the Colonel under his breath. Al promptly removed his head and pointed to the blood array inside. The likelihood of it getting washed away was nearly a hundred percent. The Colonel sighed once more as he slumped on his chair.

'_Never, under any circumstances, ever put in Full Metal, a tape measure and a rainy day together. It brings about destruction to my office.' _The Colonel peeled out the sticky paper and pressed it neatly on the corner of his desk. Questioning glances were thrown at him.

"What? It's true!"

**Owari**

And this is what comes out of my mind when I stare at my Full Metal Alchemist DVDs and a twelve inches ruler nearby.

Poor Ed.

I don't know if he's really even four feet tall but he looks to be around that, at the very least… or I hope so anyway.

Certain ideas also come from my friend, **Tanuki**, for without her, this fanfic would be less humorous.


End file.
